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All
material unless otherwise specified
Copyright c 1992 by Robert Urban
All Rights Reserved
TXu 348 521
FEAR
OF AIDS
1.
seated in hushed audience
as curtain rises
on happy broadway musical
pondering
my presence in auditorium
as - sudden empty space
and my consciousness
of evening's entertainment
as - terminated point-of-view
2.
arousing in terror
again and again
from nightmares
of schizophrenic malignancy
disclosing them to no one
force-forgetting them
immediately each morn
silently thanking reality
for keeping such horrors
out of my waking world
and deep in my sleep
3.
calling to mind
the little, old music
professor
from my college days
who urged me to stay on at
the university
and become a composer
no
said I
I'll move to Manhattan and
sing on the stage...
4.
envying the elderly
for possessing the very quality
I used to disdain -
old age
5.
eyeing "healing" crystals
in novelty store window
perusing the saints
in run-down cathedral
testing the integrity
of my most cherished convictions
and considering alternatives
I never thought worthy before
6.
watching pretty red blood-beads
drip off cut finger
after harmless kitchen mishap
hearing them plunk into sink
thinking them
little drops
of poison
7.
wondering if the gun barrel
will shatter the teeth
when recoiling from the shot
fired through the roof of the mouth
into the skull
after the first symptom appears
8.
pondering
the possibly lethal legacy
left behind
to all the men I loved most in my life
9.
deprived of
the cigarettes
the alcohol
the drugs
the coffee
the sugar
the meat
the junk food
the parties
the sex
the desire
the lover
the future
and left with...
the fear
The material above may only be copied and or used with the direct permission of the author, Robert Urban.
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