Robert Urban and link to his website
Robert Urban Poetry & Prose

All material unless otherwise specified
Copyright c 1992 by Robert Urban 

All Rights Reserved 

TXu 348 521

FEAR OF AIDS

                                                                               1.

                                                       seated in hushed audience

                                                      as curtain rises

                                                      on happy broadway musical

 

                                                      pondering

                                                      my presence in auditorium

                                                      as - sudden empty space

 

                                                      and my consciousness

                                                      of evening's entertainment

                                                      as - terminated point-of-view

  

                                                                             2.

 

                                                            arousing in terror

                                                            again and again

                                                            from nightmares

                                                            of schizophrenic malignancy

 

                                                            disclosing them to no one

 

                                                            force-forgetting them

                                                            immediately each morn

 

                                                            silently thanking reality

                                                            for keeping such horrors

                                                            out of my waking world

                                                            and deep in my sleep

  

                                                                             3.

 

                                       calling to mind

                                                 the little, old music professor

                                                 from my college days

 

                                                 who urged me to stay on at the university

                                                 and become a composer

 

                                                 no

                                                 said I

                                                 I'll move to Manhattan and sing on the stage...

  

                                                                             4.

 

                                                            envying the elderly

                                                            for possessing the very quality

                                                            I used to disdain -

 

                                                            old age

  

                                                                             5.

 

                                                            eyeing "healing" crystals

                                                            in novelty store window

 

                                                            perusing the saints

                                                            in run-down cathedral

 

                                                            testing the integrity

                                                            of my most cherished convictions

 

                                                            and considering alternatives

                                                            I never thought worthy before

 

                                                                             6.

 

                                     watching pretty red blood-beads

                                                   drip off cut finger

                                                   after harmless kitchen mishap

 

                                                   hearing them plunk into sink

 

                                                   thinking them

                                                   little drops

                                                   of poison

  

                                                                             7.

 

                                                            wondering if the gun barrel

                                                            will shatter the teeth

                                                            when recoiling from the shot

                                                            fired through the roof of the mouth

                                                            into the skull

 

                                                            after the first symptom appears

            

                                                                             8.

 

                                                            pondering

                                                            the possibly lethal legacy

                                                            left behind

 

                                                            to all the men I loved most in my life

  

                                                                             9.

 

                                                                        deprived of

 

                                                                        the cigarettes

                                                                        the alcohol

                                                                        the drugs

                                                                        the coffee

                                                                        the sugar

                                                                        the meat

                                                                        the junk food

                                                                        the parties

                                                                        the sex

                                                                        the desire

                                                                        the lover

                                                                        the future

 

                                                                        and left with...

 

                                                                        the fear


The material above may only be copied and or used with the direct permission of the author, Robert Urban.

                         Return to Robert's Wing Entrance                            Return to GLBT Artists

                                                                                                            

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